Newsgroups: talk.bizarre From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Scott Dorsey) Subject: My Tech Support Experiences Message-ID: <kludgeEKJD0u.AAC@netcom.com> Organization: Institute for Boatanchor Studies Date: Tue, 2 Dec 1997 00:22:06 GMT Lines: 78 Sender: email@example.com The following are actual transcriptions of telephone calls from the "Ask A Neurologist" hotline at Michelson State Hospital: CALLER #1 --------- Caller: I been having trouble thinking now and sometimes I drool. Doctor: You could have brain damage. Have you had any problems with fine motor tasks like writing? Caller: I dunno, 'cause it's hard to do stuff like that, what with the blood and all. Doctor: Blood? Caller: Yeah, the blood keeps coming out of my head. I don't know why it keeps happening. Doctor: Umm... did you do anything different? Was there any trauma to the head? Caller: Funny thing, yeah, it started at about the time I put the nails in. Doctor: Nails? Caller: Yeah, my hat kept coming off so I put it on with 10d nails. It's much better now. Do you think this has something to do with my problem? CALLER #2 --------- Caller: I had a headache this morning, so obviously it was the result of a massive brain tumor. My aunt got... Doctor: A brain tumor? You know that most headaches aren't caused by anything at all so serious. Caller: No? You mean I shouldn't have taken all those sleeping pills? The headache might not be fatal? CALLER #3 --------- Caller: I can't do integral calculus. Doctor: Have you learned integral calculus before? Caller: Learned it? Doctor: Yes, like taken a class in the subject. Caller: But I shouldn't have to learn anything! I have a brain! CALLER #4 --------- Caller: I think I just had a heart attack. Doctor: That's serious. Have you seen a cardiologist? Caller: What's that? Doctor: A doctor who specializes in the heart. I only deal with the brain. Caller: You mean the heart and the brain are different? CALLER #5 --------- Caller: My cup holder is broken Doctor: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. -- "C'est un Nagra. C'est suisse, et tres, tres precis."