From: agarcia@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM (Anthony Garcia)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: The Idiot's Guide To Changelings
Date: 1 Dec 1998 12:24:04 -0600
Organization: act or process of organizing or of being organized
Lines: 46
Message-ID: <741c84$2he$1@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM>

The Idiot's Guide to Changelings

CHAPTER ONE:  How to Get Your Own Changeling

  Have a child.  Age it for 2.5 years.  You will then awake one morning from
  uneasy dreams to find your child replaced by a changeling.

CHAPTER TWO:  Feeding Your Changeling

  Your changeling will refuse any food offered to it.  However, any attempt to
  eat the changeling's food will produce cries of "MINE! MINE!".  Present the
  changeling with food, allow it to be refused, then make a pretense of
  removing the food; the changeling will then eat normally.

CHAPTER THREE: Dressing Your Changeling

  Briefly distract your changeling ("Look! Barney!") and then quickly drag the
  clothes onto them while they're not expecting it.  Any other path leads to
  madness.

CHAPTER FOUR:  Amusing Your Changeling

  Tickling, funny voices, etc., will briefly amuse your changeling.
  However, their attention will inevitably return to the awful existential
  futility of it all, and caterwauling will ensue.

CHAPTER FIVE:  Changeling Sports

  PITFIGHTING: Put your changeling in a room with other changelings, and
  then place an especially interesting new toy in the middle of the floor.
  The changeling which retains possession the longest wins.

  HYPNOTISM: Place changeling in front of television set.  Insert 3rd
  replacement copy of "The Aristocats" in VCR.  Press the PLAY button.

  CREATIVE MISBEHAVIOR: Explain to your changeling that, no, we are not
  going to enjoy the culinary delicacies of "the yellow place" this evening.
  Stand back.  Award points for style, volume.

CHAPTER SIX:  Getting Rid of your Changeling
  
  The only recommended method is aging.  Exorcisms are futile.


-anthony
endeavoring to persevere