From: "nikolai kingsley" <email@example.com> Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: 's'a bleedin' wossname Date: Fri, 1 Dec 2000 04:11:40 +1100 Organization: Monash Uni Lines: 52 Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> X-Trace: towncrier.cc.monash.edu.au 975603844 18975 184.108.40.206 (30 Nov 2000 17:04:04 GMT) X-Complaints-To: email@example.com X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2919.6600 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2919.6600 X-NNTP-Posting-Host: pm2-S18.broadway.net.au This was back when Nigel was on the manor. He got done so often he decided he might as well get 'job as prison librarian, he spent more time in the chokey than out. Well, this left his employer wif a bit of a problem, vis-a-vis no Nigel, no courier. We was shipping pornographic video tapes in those days. Nigel would visit our artistic friends in New Jersey and come 'ome wif licenced originals from which we were allowed, nay, contractually obliged to make many copies of and sell over 'ere. Owld Bill don't take kindly to this. Banned 'em and Nigel, caught bringing in four suitcases full of VHS cassettes, got his first three months inside. He said 'e didn't mind, as 'e allowed it was a fair cop, but I could tell 'e didn' like it. Passus 'at bottle. We had a bit of a re-think at that point. While we was playing with some of the computer video editing gear, we decided to take advantage of the advent of DVD players and sell discs instead of tapes. We'd set it up and had it all ready for Nigel to take up 'is old job, but this time he'd be shifting boxes of twenty compact discs. We had another think about it and got our friends in New Jersey to encrypt the files on the DVDs. They didn't have covers when Nigel was bringin' 'em over; the covers were stored on the discs, and were encrypted with the rest of it. Owld Bill didn't like it; he couldn't prove they was pornographic, 'cos he couldn't tell what was on the disks. We actually sold 'em like that, gave the punter the key to decrypt it when they got it 'ome. That way we could say we weren't sellin' pornography; it weren't pornography when it left the shop, and what the punter does with it when 'e gets it' 'ome is 'is own business, right? Bottle. The next time Owld Bill put the finger on us, I went in to 'ave a chat. They knew me. "It's like this, Detective," I sez, "We are selling the Previtera 2000 Random Number set. Strictly educational, four disks, one file per disk, random numbers, lots of 'em. Six hundred and fifty megabytes of straight up, no worries random numbers. They'll see you right. If some perv wants to change the files then that's not our product any more. Not our bovver." Well, of course 'ey 'ad to let me go. 'S a bleedin' wossname, innit. Wanna buy some CDs? nikolai --- hopeless posession the splendour of nightmare sacred infection wholly indelible as pure as my cruelty - shriekback, 'hubris'