From: firstname.lastname@example.org Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: FTSD: The Sitting God of Discourse Date: Fri, 01 Dec 2000 13:46:05 GMT Organization: Deja.com - Before you buy. Lines: 74 Message-ID: <email@example.com> X-Article-Creation-Date: Fri Dec 01 13:46:05 2000 GMT X-Http-User-Agent: Mozilla/4.04 [en] (Win95; I) X-Http-Proxy: 1.0 x65.deja.com:80 (Squid/1.1.22) for client 22.214.171.124 X-MyDeja-Info: XMYDJUIDbrobdignagland Draggy Rabbly, star-washed nebular bastion of masculine pulchritude, shazi who fell for that FREE LARD pyramid scheme, trinken und rauchen until he was spiritually clean. Frantic in his need for fresh kill on the most august day of december, he exhibited his naked behinds in ritual abnegation to The Discourse. He effulgated lightly as he assembled the immense proportions of his bulk at the keyboard. But nothing came to mind. Was he doomed to write nothing more than slobject doggerel? Analexed and dysmorphed, there ain't no drug for what Draggly Rabbly has got. It's a bad stellar condition of the brain. Sighing, he makes his way through dilaudid and a small copse of buttass trees, to the remarkably commode-like throne of the Sitting God of Discourse, who at the moment happens to be a third-year nursing intern named Jennifer who is a Pisces and likes torturing cute, wide-eyed furry mammals, and long walks on the beach. By coincidence, She was in. He hoped She didn't mention his incessant spammage on alt.michael.jackson.pap.smear "FYI, 0 thou clueless newbie," She begins, "you have got it all wrong.'Infarction' now means 'paintbrush.''Replicate' now means 'anus.' 'Queer' and 'faggot' have both been replaced by 'Wuuuuuuuuuuudaddy' and 'morebief2U,' respectively. Why, dint We just the other day get a CFP for A Gander at the Gendarme's Greasy Gender? We (that's the imperial We) no longer agree with current interpretations of the Bible, so We X'ed out all the words. You'll find it much improved. "Bulch, Fulch," She continued, as She assumed a more boobjective vantage. "You want kennerel rampant with ochocked spracklepumps tittivision? Is this some sort of industry jargon for Holz vor der Hutt'n? Big Beer Ball Nuts Milwaukee. Why want to trifurcate the anathesis? Stickle is no longer what sticklers do." "Y'see, Draggly, you are no longer in control of the meaning of language, even tho you are a translation theorist--or prehaps especially bekuz. You have become the objectified abject sublime object. What do you have to say about THAT?" "As a Person About Whom Nothing Whatsoever is Titular," began Draggly Rabbly," I can tell you that dogmeat is very very gamey, and you will need quite a bit of barbeque sauce." "They say," She said, "just use the facts, let's all use a narrow bloodless protocol. What say you now, prescriptivist miscreant?" "Uhh, I've always heard that reactionary dogma packs a killer buzz," replied Draggly Rabbly. The Sitting God of Discourse flounced, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Nonsense is as meaningful, and twice as musical! This word means this. That word means recombinant. When we are at conference, sanitized by our vertical, theoretical, health-insurance-havin distance, we may say 'scrotum' and 'incest' with fruity and wild abandon, like Dekes at a kegger. But e-publish a nasty ditty, and you've got the sysops rolling the rock aside. Now, in the bright full-throttle light of Blue Meaninfulnessfulnesslessnessless, we can *NEVER* disempuss the writer, outcogitate the meaning." Now I ask you, is incinerating one's breakfast on the stoop a crime? --brobdignagland Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.